Post Break Ups Guilty Syndrome

Go through this first,

3 Reasons why your last relationship didn’t last:
a. you flirt with other guys
b. you have an affair with other guys
c. you sleep with his boyfriends aka other guys

If one of the reasons above had some contributions to your last broke-up relationship, then you should feel guilty. Hehe.

When I came back to Jakarta, I found my girlfriend just broke up with her bf. It’s not important to write down why it could happen; at least the reason wasn’t included in those three above. And after she told me everything, what has happened and what he has done to her, I think her ex was kinda jerk. He is so not deserved of having my friend.

Afterwards, she felt so sad. Yes, off course. Felt lonely. Sure. Something’s has changed. Right. But the most interesting thing was, she felt guilty. Indeed.

Fortunately, she wasn’t alone. Seriously. Even though it’s weird. Every girlfriends of mine who just got break ups would feel this way. I did, too. Guilty. What have I done to him? Did I do something wrong? Was I just too annoying for him? Did I say something rude? Was he just nice to me? Sending me message, flowers, gifts? Why didn’t I say something nice to him? Was I being too chatterbox? Did I try hard enough about this relationship? He has sacrificed everything to me, I shouldn’t do this. Etc..etc…

But the fact is we are not guilty. We are not (unless 3 reasons above). Nothing we could blame on, I guess. It just has to be that way. It's gonna be better than before, than forcing to stand on failed relationship. God has another beautiful plan for each one of us. It's just hard to explain, but by the time goes on, believe me, you won't have this kinda feeling anymore. It just dissappears. Killed by time. And there is time, when you'll be so thankful for the decision you've made. For sure.

Oh may be, he is the one who should feel guilty after all :)

The Purpose of Marriage

On my last conversation with friends in Jakarta, we were asking each other about our current relationship. And there was an interesting topic that suddenly came out in our discussion.

Y: Vin, I got a very interesting story. About my friend.
Me: What's going on?
Y: My friend who got married last time, you remember?
Me: Oh yeah... the beautiful one, rite? The beautiful girl who is practically married with fat-ugly guy, but obviously damn rich!
Y: Exactly. I don't understand her. She is married with no love! She clearly said it to me. Then I asked, why should you?
Me: Then?
Y: She said, " Cuz' at the end of the day, love is not everything. But security is." You know what she means, rite? She doesn't care about love, but she does care about her own 'security' as in MONEY!

Well, I guess it's a thought that everyone has his/her own point of view. For me, I don't think I could stand that way. It just too hard to live with someone who you don't love for may be, 50 years?

Back to the title of this posting, what is actually the purpose of marriage? For having a family? Or because I-have-to-because-I-was-in-too-long-relationship reason? Or because your parent wished so? Or because the baby is hiding in your tummy? Well, whatever the purpose of marriage is, I think love has to be the foundation. I don't say money is not important, but look, money might loose, richness may gone, beauty may fade but if you LOVE, you'll stay strong facing every situation in life.

I guess, money won't secure your life. It won't work.

Girl's Best Friend

Like to watch a series called "Queer Eye For A Straight Guy" ? I do. If you don't know what I'm talking about here, let me do a brief introduction for you. This TV show is one from many US reality shows that involves five expertise and determined and smart and talented yet fashionable gays. Yes, it's true. They are all gays.

These Fab Five : Ted Allen, Kyan Douglas, Thom Felicia, Carson Kressley and Jai Rodriguez; who each of them is expert in their own area such as interior designer, a fashion stylist, a chef, a beauty guru and someone we like to call the "concierge of cool" — who is responsible for all things hip, including music and pop culture (source:www.bravotv.com). They come along the way to fix the straight guys to make them look good and most important thing is feel good about themselves. They help men to take care themselves, make over a house, grooming, cooking and teach some manners which sometimes men forgets about them.

And since they are gays, they do have this feminism side in them which makes me agree with them in many ways. I am always amazed by what they have done to a guy cuz' most of the results are amazing. And the way they picture this show is really fun. I couldn't stop laugh during the show.

The thing is, may be it's right when people say, "Gay is a girl's bestfriend". They just soo understand girls really well while sometimes men don't. So don't get me wrong when I say I don't agree with this saying: "the queer is not normal", because I think they are fabulous.

A Good Friend = A Good Housemate?

I have to question the above statement because it is hard to find a perfect housemate. I think. Lots of people say, may be it is easier to make and have a good friends, but once you live with them, they might live your life like a hell. Really??? Well, I never actually have this happened to me but I've seen it happened to others. Not all of them, but some. The question is, how it could happened?

This is what typically happened:
1. You have one good friend. Go to uni together, spend weekend together, lunch together, calling each other almost everynight, sharing your stories.
2. Then this thought come to your mind: "Why don't we live together? It's gonna be fun. we cook together, study together, eat together, etc. We don't have to call thru mobile each other if we wanna talk, save money ;)"

The fact is, it's not so that easy. I have a friend whose her friend is having some problems with her housemate. They were a very good friend before, they are still, but just this 'storms' are kind of hitting them currently and they haven't talk for quite a while even though they live under one roof. My friend told me the story of them. She said her friend feels her housemate is doing something wrong with her current relationship. She has already warned her for thousands time but she never listens. She also feels lonely because her housemate is rarely at home, always go out with other friends and leaving her alone. Furthermore, the problem is actually more complicated than this, believe me. It's just not appropriate for me to write it down here. I guess, she is sick and tired of everything.

If I could give some advices, here they are. First, it is okay with living with your best friend. We all should be aware of the possibility of disputes in the future. We all come from different place, raised by different parents, live in different cultures. They all make things are so different. Second, everybody has her/his own privacy which we should respect. Our good friend has it too. It is not their responsibilities to always sharing their secrets, or may be their dark backgrounds, or their love stories with us. Me, myself, I won't force them to tell everything to me. Not because I don't care, I just fully respect their privacy. Off course they can can talk to me, but I won't force them to do so. Next, my good friend has a right to have other good friends besides me. I never feel jealous or sad, take it easy. I'm not her mother anyway. Even though may be it's even harder when they've found a boyfriend,,,haha! Last but not least, respect your housemate's room. For me, my room is always be my favourite place on earth *even though it's messy* but at least you have a piece of the earth when you can be your own self and do whatever you like. So, it is good to always knock the door before entering other's room :) I know it sounds simple, but it trully has a good sense of respect towards your housemates.

Living with someone is a challange, especially when you have to live with someone who is not your family. But, at the end of the day we all might have to live that way too. Living with a husband or wife that come from different backgrounds and cultures might take a lil bit headache, but the fact is we have to live with them for quite a veerrryyy looooongggg time, right? So, just take it easy :)

Comming Back

Here I am, coming back from my holiday and coming back to write you some stories.

I have to admit that my holiday was so enjoyable. So many laughters and good memories eventhough it was tiring and HOT! Yes..it was damn hot there in Asia, especially in Malaysia. But the Vincci shoes was surely cooling it down ;)

I missed so many things during my holiday back then, especially Michael W Smith concert on 8th of July. But I think it is okay because my holiday was worth it *would you mind to have another concert here Mike,,,pleasee????? hehehe*

Other things I did when I was away, except shopping and hang out with friends, I was watching loads of dvd's. To be exact, it was Desperate Housewives dramas I was hooked up with. This drama is great. Two thumbs!!! It definitely gives us idea that become a housewife is sooo not easy.

And finally, I met this girl. Irine. Ha ha..she is still her when I used to know her about 16 or 17 years a go. We met for a dinner and it was a moment when we quite had some flashback memories back then.

All I can say the holiday was really good. Be prepared for my overstressed writtings on my next upcoming semester